Valdimir Putin
President of Russia
Moscow
28 November 2016
Dear President Putin,
Now that CIA agent Craig Timberg posing as a Washington Post reporter has blown my cover and exposed me as a Russian agent, I was wondering if I might ask you for a Russian passport and a bit of diplomatic cover, perhaps assistant press officer at the Russian embassy in Washington, until I can get out of the country. I saw that you gave a passport to Steven Seagal, so I am hopeful that being a Russian agent is as important as teaching martial arts to Russians.
I don’t know what the pay scale for Russian agents is, but whatever I have coming to me please deposit in a Russian bank. The Swiss banks are no longer useful as the Swiss government allowed Washington to write its banking laws. Perhaps also you could line me up with a publisher for my memoirs—“My Life As A Putin Stooge.”
We need to get on with this ASAP as the Washington Post has the FBI on my tail. They will be very angry at me for deceiving them all those years when I held top secret and higher security clearances while I was a Russian agent. Any day now the Washington Post might discover that my fellow KGB agent Ronald Reagan and I cut taxes on the rich in order to make capitalism so oppressive that the American people would rise up and overthrow it. Boy did we fool the left-wing!
I regret that the Washington Post got wise to me being a Russian agent, but it wasn’t my fault. I think the leak came from one of those Atlanticist Integrationists you are stuck with in your government. Better check up on it as 200 of the Russian financed websites have already been exposed.
Better have someone bring me the passport and diplomatic appointment. I would be nabbed by TSA if I fly to Washington to collect the documents. A diplomatic appointment is better than asylum, because Washington, like the old Soviet Union, doesn’t recognize political asylum. Just ask Julian Assange.
Don’t let the Atlanticist Integrationists convince you that my exposure as a Russian agent is just a CIA ruse to plant an agent on you. My criticism of Washington’s policy of raising tensions between nuclear powers and support of your policy of reducing tensions is not spy cover. I really do prefer that the world not be blown up in thermo-nuclear war. This is a suspect view in the US, but I hope it is an acceptable one in Russia.
Looking forward to that passport.
Paul Craig Roberts
This article was originally published at PaulCraigRoberts.org.
Awesome! WaPo looks like Capo di tutti liberale MSM now. Full bias. M-r Roberts, thank you for this pamphlet.
Tovarisch Craig, you are needed on your current battle station! Stay strong! In case things will go really bad instructions for guerilla war will be given by encrypted teletext of RT channel. Password “Viva_la_Revolucion!”. And may the spirit of Ernesto Che Guevara be with you!
“my fellow KGB agent Ronald Reagan and I ” © :))))
Thanks a lot, tovarisch! I haven’t laughed so much from recent politics but your letter is really something! I hope Vladimir will appoint you chief of staff at the Embassy.
You deserved your Russian passport already a long time ago taking into consideration your activies on behalf of the Russian government
Shirley U. Jest
Mr. Paul Craig Roberts: I reread your short piece of sarcastic remarks and it raised a slight smile that warmed my old heart. Though I would argue at times against views such as yours, I sympathize with you also. Please pardon my cold Pennsylvania and my old house are known for the chill and it is difficult to come in out of the cold in what I resist temptation.
As you have been one who has been brutally assaulted by the scatter gun approach of the newest latest greatest bunch of sharp shooters who have taken the place of old SOB bastards as they claim we are.
In what is often most unfair as they pencils are dull, as their wits are quantified and qualified by computers as the automatons they are. Yes in part I express sympathy for you the devil for you perpetuated the Neo-Con War as part of the Reagan Administration, Where Robert Gates In The Shadows claims under Carter to provoke the Russians into Afghanistan which as part of the Reagan Administration was perpetuated.
Where I find your piece “The Western War On Truth By Paul Craig Roberts | Nov 28, 2016 | Asia Pacific, Politics, US, Viewpoints | 1, interesting but lacking in context which I can trace back to Alfred Jules Ayers Language Truth and Logic as an attack on “TRUTH” PRAVDA where for the sake of “Winning the Cold War” the Reagan Administration claimed when in reality Reagan did not win the Cold War, the USSR lost it. Just as the US does seem to do so now with the election of CHUMP HUMPS SLUMPS FRUMPS and idiots.
PS thank you for that reference of newsletters I was curious and could not locate it without your great help and assistance. God bless. and have a good day, for though we all maybe be KGB or CIA agents in addition to many those that provide such lists made a lot of money from their handlers by publishing them and as such are double, triple, quadruple agents and as you state presstitutes.
All this because Miss Hillary had no idea she was loosing so badly, even though everyone around her knew her ship had taken deadly blows from her own torpedo salvos but couldn’t convince her to abandon ship and man the lifeboats.
That she had no clue she was behind instead of ahead tells me she didn’t have the mental acuity necessary to be in the oval office. What’s more, to subtly leak that the Russians were behind her defeat rather than accepting she had serious faults, just makes Trump look to have been the better of two evils.
Finally, she single handily destroyed the foundations of the democrat party. Half the base were under Trump’s command while the other half were under Bernie’s banner. Instead on unifying the party, she decided instead to seek common ground with other disparate factions that fell under no party banner … political outcasts. That while totally ignoring three key states were swiftly moving towards the Trump camp … three states that changed her election prospects … three states she believed were in her column and didn’t require any care or maintenance.
So now anyone who didn’t support her failed campaign is a Russian agent of some type or function and the lame stream media laps it up, still not aware of the definition of fake news.